THE TIM FERRISS SHOW · EXTRACTED
The Tim Ferriss Show ft. Brené Brown
8 tactics for taking the armor off without falling apart. The armor that once protected you is now the thing keeping you stuck.
Preview · 3 of 8 tactics
"Keep your shadows in front of you, they can only take you down from behind." — Brené Brown
Brené Brown is known as the vulnerability researcher with the giant TED talk. The episode is more useful than that reputation suggests. It is a set of concrete relational mechanics, for marriage, parenting, and your own armor, that turn "be vulnerable" from a slogan into things you can actually run on a Tuesday.
Run The 80/20 Relationship Check-In
The idea that a marriage is 50/50 is a setup for resentment. Brené and Steve quantify their energy instead. Someone comes home and says "I've got 20," the other says I will carry the 80. When the combined number drops below 100, that is the signal to sit down and make a plan of kindness.
THE PLAY
With your partner, each name a number from 0 to 100 for how much you have today. If the total is under 100, do not negotiate chores. Make a plan to reduce load, order food, cancel things, lower the bar, until you both recover.
Replace Your Armor With Curiosity
You cannot just rip the armor off and run through the street. You have to replace it with something. Brené's replacement is curiosity. Instead of defending a reaction, you get interested in it: why did I react that way, what was that about.
THE PLAY
Next time you snap or shut down, do not judge it. Ask yourself one curious question: what was I protecting just then. Treat your own reaction as data to study, not a verdict to defend.
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Set The Line Yourself
For years Brené let other people set the standard for her body, her work, her worth. The midlife shift was deciding the line is internal. She says "I will determine the line, you will not determine the line for me." She knows she needs to train, eat, and sleep a certain way regardless of outside opinion.
THE PLAY
Pick one area where you measure yourself against others, fitness, output, looks. Write your own standard for it based on what makes you function well. From now on, that line is yours, not the crowd's.
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5 more tactics + Action Plan
TACTIC 04
Keep Your Shadows In Front Of You
TACTIC 05
Build A Family-Focused Family
TACTIC 06
Move Your Kids From Compliance To Commitment
TACTIC 07
Filter Everything Through Contribution
TACTIC 08
Ask What You Are Unwilling To Feel
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THE TIM FERRISS SHOW · EXTRACTED BY PODEX